Contemplation. Somehow it always ties back to the past for me. When did it change? Where did I go wrong? What has happened to us? Why did we decide that this was better?

I contemplate quite a bit. Maybe you do too. They call people like this ‘dreamers’. And maybe that’s fair. I do dream of a slow, simple life surrounded by loved ones and plenty of nature. But mostly I sense those nostaglic ghosts in the air around me. They stand in stark contrast to my real life.

That’s not to say that I’m not surrounded by loved ones. But life has become too fast. We operate on an instant basis. Everything is now and sooner. Technology has given us wonderful things. It’s given me my career. But it’s also come with a price. I feel like we’ve lost a lot of life’s innocence along the way.

This part of my blabbering might seem strange, but I’ll try to explain it. As a youngster growing up in the 1970’s I recall the sights, smells and sounds with a sense of satisfying nostalgia.

When I recollect the 70’s, it seems like the colors of the world weren’t as high definition as they are now… Like watching an old movie on TV. There was a character to the sights that seems to be gone. I know that sounds strange. It reads strange to me as I edit this. But the time was more simple than now. Pehaps my brain is just filtering those time with a ‘simplicity’ filter and stripping out sharp colors. Logically, I realize that the colors are the same. But they just don’t feel like it.

Today, I have been contemplating senses. I’m thinking about old smells. How differently my Grandparents’ land in the country smelled in comparison to the scent of St. Louis. I’m thinking about wood paneling that seemed to adorn every house in the 70’s. I’m thinking about my Dad coming home from work and having time to play ball with us every single night. I’m thinking about how people got a job as young adults and often retired from that same job. I’m thinking about the low definition colors of life that strangely make me feel at home. I’m thinking of Plymouth Dusters, Dodge Chargers, Volswagon Beetles and Pontiac FireBirds. I’m thinking about Kansas, Floyd, Zep, Yes, ELO, John Denver and a host of other musicians that continue to inspire me. And I’m thinking about how much we’ve lost in the pursuit of having everything instantly and now.

It’s days and moments like this that I strongly feel life’s entropy. We are gradually declining into chaos. I long to escape it. Maybe I am a dreamer. But really, I think I am just depressed.