Welcome to the Crag of the Wild Goats‘ home. The new album, Mark of the John, is released April 23, 2024. It is available wherever you get your streaming music. CDs can be purchased here.
And for your holiday listening woes, A Craggy Christmas (Vol 1) has been released on December 6, 2024. You will find it on streaming services everywhere and links will be here.
2025 continues John’s story. The first two songs to be released will be stupid hero songs that tell the infamous stories of his failed attempts at being a super hero. John the Corn Cob Man and The DooDoo Man will head your way in the first couple months of the year and will feature the immensely talented Justin DeTie (Jambi’s Revenge) on guitar and bass.
Read some Craggy Comments and find out what people are saying about the Crags.
JOHN THE CORN COB MAN: A STUPID HERO SONG
Release Date: January 10, 2025
John the Corn Cob Man: A Stupid Hero Song
Words and Music by Rick Mester
Keyboards and Vocals – Rick Mester
Guitars and Bass – Justin DeTie
Mixed by Jimmy P Brown II
Mastered by Rick Mester
CRAGGY CHRISTMAS (VOL 1)
Release Date: December 6, 2024
1 Johnny Christmas
Word and Music by Rick Mester
Instruments and Vocals – Rick Mester
Female Voice – Shawna Sonntag
Cover Art Design – Shawna Sonntag
Mixed and Mastered by Rick Mester
2 Johnny and the Reindeer Ban
Word and Music by Rick Mester
Instruments and Vocals – Rick Mester
Cover Art Design – Shawna Sonntag
Mixed and Mastered by Rick Mester
MARK OF THE JOHN
The Crags are a fun side project and the result of writing without boundaries. I hope you enjoy and get a laugh or two.
Here are a few links to grab yours:
Apple Music
Spotify
Amazon Music
YouTube Music
Old School? Here are CDs
For your listening woes, here is a sampler of the album.
Track listing
1 The Bradbarian (Lyrics)
2 Johnny, Smoked Salami (Lyrics)
3 The John Song (Lyrics)
4 John and the Raccoon Fight (Lyrics)
5 The John Cult (Lyrics)
6 Lonnie, Lonnie, Johnny (Lyrics)
7 Johnny Hop and the Rabid Beagle (Lyrics)
8 Hey John (Lyrics)
9 Johnny Didn’t Have 2 (Lyrics)
10 Hostile Johnny (Lyrics)
Credits
Instruments and Vocals – Rick Mester except where noted
Where Noted
Bass on The John Song – TJ Burch
Most Drums – Apple AI
Engineered, Produced, Mixed and Mastered by Rick Mester
Words and Music by Rick Mester
Lyrics
The Bradbarian
I am not typing all these lyrics!
Johnny, Johnny Smoked Salami
Johnny, Johnny smoked salami
Granny, granny, granny panties
Johnny don’t you touch that fanny
It might be very dirty
Johnny, Johnny smoked salami
Granny, granny, granny panties
Dirty, dirty, dirty Manny
Johnny don’t you touch that fanny
The John Song
Johnny is a gigalo
Johnny is the man
Johnny slap your mama
Like only Johnny can
Johnny in the backyard
Johnny on the streets
Johnny wins the bets
And Johnny never cheats
Johnny likes Yes
Johnny likes Kansas
Johnny steals the shirts
Belonging to the fanses
Johnny says hello
Johnny says goodbye
the ladies at bingo
Say my oh my
Johnny doing work
Johnny understands
Johnny drink his soda
From that Pringles can
Johnny pet the dog
Johnny pet the cat
When he goes outside
He likes to wear a hat
Johnny’s got eyes
and Johnny’s got class
When she walks away
He stares at her arm
Johnny’s got some oatmeal
Johnny’s got some feed
Johnny won’t talk to you
Til he’s peed
Johnny got a coat
He never gets cold
His pea’s pudding in the pot
TEN days old
Johnny spells his name
And Johnny zips his fly
Johnny uses vowels
And sometimes Y
Johnny knows Mark
And Johnny knows licky
Johnny knows rhymes
Are often tricky
Johnny got some posters
Johnny got some comic books
Johnny at the music store
Given people dirty looks
Johnny in your house
Johnny saw your ferret
Johnny got an eye patch
But he never wears it
Johnny got some overalls
Johnny got some pants
Johnny got a backache
He ain’t gonna dance
Johnny likes birds
And Johnny likes swans
Johnny likes Tony
Orlando and Dawn
Johnny like sugar
And Johnny likes spice
Johnny thinks this song
Is very, very nice
John and the Raccoon Fight
Johnny wasn’t listening, no he had on his phones
Struttin’ down the alleyway, heading for his home
Had Chex mix in his pocket and a soda in his hand
Had a fistful of Slim Jims and some overactive glands
Man that raccoon smelled him, I know it might sound corny
That raccoon came a runnin’, and man it looked real horny
Johnny kept on walkin’, and when he tried to pass
That raccoon jumped on up and bit him on his leg
The next day Johnny looked and saw the coast was clear
Today he had no jerky and nothing left to fear
He closed the door behind him and strolled down to the street
But his stomach tightened up when he saw that garbage at his feet
He looked left, and he looked right and he saw that toppled trash bin
Laying on it’s side and the lid was hanging open
Cautiously he approached it and much to his dismay
A little head rose up and growled and ruined his day
The John Cult
In our travels following the trail of our friend John,
We stumbled upon a tribe of indigenous mountain hippies.
John had passed through their village and they marveled at his extensive knowledge of Jerry Garcia. So they adopted him as one of their gods. We hid in a bush and watched as they danced and sang around some poor woman who was pooping in a hole. Let’s listen in.
John, Jo-o-o-o-ohn, Jo-o-o-o-ohn.
Oh John, oh John, ya ya ya ya.
Lonnie, Lonnie Johnny
Lonnie, Lonnie, Johnny, Johnny (x4)
Never mind what he did to his cat (x4)
Squibbles is mean, Squibbles don’t care. Squibbles throws up the balls made of hair (x2)
Johnny gonna scratch, Johnny gonna sniff. Then he gonna ask you if you’ll take a whiff (x2)
Johnny is a tried and true humdinger. Can’t recommend that you pull his finger (x2)
Lonnie, Lonnie, Johnny, Johnny
Peanut Butter
Johnny may not be a shop foreman, but he got a call from Larry Norman (x2)
Johnny got caught looking at the girl. You know the one, she looks like Minnie Pearl (x2)
Johnny got a friend, his name is Don. He want’s to know what to do with John (x2)
Everybody sing, come sing along. Everybody sing this song about John (x6)
Aw yeah, Grandma knows. She don’t care where everybody goes
Lonnie, Lonnie, Johnny, Johnny
Peanut Butter
Johnny Hop and the Rabid Beagle
Multi-colored dog, white tipped tail
Johnny going out gonna get his mail
He heard that beagle howl
It loosened up his bowels
It’s foaming at the mouth
And running down it’s jowls
Boom, bang, boom-boom, bang
Rabid beagle no mercy for you
Rabid beagle, doo dee doo
Rabid beagle, lookin pretty sick
Rabid beagle, bit him on his.. uh.. thing
Now John’s gettin shots, down in his gullet
Rabies took his health, Brett Hull had a mullet
That dog’s sill in the streets, prowlin’ and plottin’
His eyes are red and his teeth are rotten
Boom, bang, boom-boom, bang
Rabid beagle no mercy for you
Rabid beagle, doo dee doo
Rabid beagle, lookin pretty sick
Rabid beagle, bit him on his.. uh.. thing
Hey John
(Backward masking)
Hey John
huh
John (x a lot)
Johnny B, Johnny B, Johnny B, Ooo Ooo (x2)
Hey John
huh
John (x a lot)
Johnny B, Johnny B, Johnny B, Ooo Ooo (x2)
(more backward masking)
Johnny Didn’t Have 2
Hello my name is Johnny
I’m here to sing this song
Everything is right now
And nothing seems to be wrong
You close the door
To keep me out
And now I’m going to
Scream and shot
I’m out here
and you’re in there
Standing here in my underwear
Hey Hey, it’s the day today!
Hey Hey, it’s the way you say it!
I wasn’t going to kill you
Till you saw me in your closet
I was eating Milk Duds
And wearing your black corset
I was afraid you’d tell my mother
And I’d be so embarrassed, yes
So now I have to smother you
With this pillow I think it’s best
Hey Hey, it’s the day today!
Hey Hey, it’s the way you say it!
Hostile Johnny
Johnny wear a shirt with a big skull
He got really mad when he found that hole
Man he really, really, really loved that shirt
Much more than the one with Ernie and Bert
And time goes by and life slips down the drain
The Bradbarian is a hostile dude
He called Chuck Norris just to start a feud
I saw the vengeance in his eyes
You caught the stench from ‘neath his thighs
You never listen to his lies
You’ll never find out his disguise
Johnny is precise, he won’t bungle
Runs around the woods like George of the Jungle
Beats up all the trees with his face
Spreading out terror all over the place
And time goes by and life slips down the drain
The Bradbarian is a hostile guy
He’ll beat up your grandma and steal her pie
I saw the vengeance in his eyes
You caught the stench from ‘neath his thighs
You never listen to his lies
You’ll never find out his disguise
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(c) (p) 2024 Sombrant Reality Productions/ASCAP for Zophim Records/ZR-JDB1