My Head Hurts

This is another old post from my days on MySpace.  I think it was another dream.  I post it because my head does hurt…  In fact, I think I’ve had a headache for all but three days in the past several weeks…

Wow, I woke up in the middle of the night with a stream of thought masquerading as conscious and cognitive reality. I laid there for a moment and felt the pressure and the waves of what seemed like thinning dimensions of time space. My brain felt swollen… My eyes were burning… I tried to reason it all away, but I couldn’t.

It wasn’t pulsating. No, it felt like my brain had grown and was pushing against the inside of my skull. I saw strange waves in the air. It was as if the material universe was weakening and stretching in liquid motion all around me. I closed my eyes and they burned more. The pressure wouldn’t stop. I could breathe. That I could do. So I concentrated on that. One breath in, one breath out. Relaxing. Feeling the warmth of my body. But the pressure would not subside. My ears were ringing… ringing more than they usually do. I swallowed but could not clear them.

Then there were the thoughts. These streams of thought… They were like a run-on sentence with no signs of pausing. Just words. Streaming together, strung together. They formed very real images…

Standing alone. A gathering. Everyone I know. Some that I don’t. But I am not visible. Standing alone. The storm approaches but they are all outside at this, this picnic of sorts. They can’t see the storm. It blows and I resist. I stand alone, firm against it. There are leaves in the air at first. Like a beautiful Autumn breeze. But there will be more wind and it will lash out in anger. And there are cracks of thunder. Scorching lightning. The sky grows dark and the faces of the people turn gray. They still don’t know. They still can’t see. I am suddenly overwhelmed by senses… All at once… the scent of food, freshly cut grass… the scent of love. The scent of spirits. The sounds of voices… voices of those not speaking. Thoughts and daydreams… malice, adoration, esteem, anxiety… floods of unvoiced sounds… Senses melting into other senses. Favorite flavors melting into love, into children, into plans, into sex. Then the touching… the burning. The pleasure, the hurts, the tears… The innocence. I stood alone… The shadow descended upon this place. But they did not see.

Still buffeted by the wind and watching the trees bending in it’s wake, I stood there amidst a growing number of people. They spread out around me like the moving waters of a lake… But they were still completely unaware of my presence. The storm howled in fury… Objects screamed through the air with such ferocity that I stood frozen in fright. But no one saw. Their faces of gray carried on with the conversations, the conversations that formed the words streaming and screaming in my ringing ears.

But I stood alone and silent. My head… the pressure was too great. I fell to my knees. I held my head in my hands. Closing my eyes… no, clenching my eyes… I tried to swallow the pressure and will the storm to subside. But I could not. I opened my eyes and saw that the color had completely left this place. The storm raged on… The people people were gone… and I alone without them.

I feel the storm still.