Sometimes I wish I could wrap my life up into a stream of pictures and writings. Maybe I would find a place in a quiet town to physically exist, but my expressions would all be done through the written word and the camera shutter.
I feel so much more at home in here or in the camera. After all, I have all the time in the world to treat, revise or rewrite the expressions. So when they go out, they are generally how I want them to be. They say what I want them to say.
Real life is hard by comparison. So much of relationship and mingling about with humanity is directly related to being understood.
Maybe I’m awkward? Maybe I’m shy. Maybe I’m protective of who I am for a while. Whatever the factors are, I feel quite frustrated when I am not understood.
We are all walking canvases… We are ever changing paintings that roam around this earth on our two legged easels. I’m looking at you… you’re looking at me. And only God knows what we all see because our portraits are misleading.
We rise up and fall down repeatedly and every time we get back up, our canvas is a little dirtier… a little harder to read.
I believe in honesty. I really do. Ask my mother. She once asked me how some outfit made her look and I told her “like a mom”. It might not be honest for YOU to say that, but she IS my mom. So she looks like my mom. Honest. (Side note – my mom is beautiful)
It seems to me that to truly have close friends you need a couple of things. Of course, you need honesty. We all know that trust cannot come unless there is honesty. But the second thing is less glorious and not mentioned as much. We need thicker skin. If I TRULY demand honesty from someone, then I’d better be prepared to accept it.
How often do we put ourselves or our friends in no win situations with honesty? If I am known to get my feelings hurt easily, how likely are you going to be honest in heart matters with me? In essence I am putting you in a situation where you just want to avoid the subject altogether. Relationships should never be based upon fear if you truly want a healthy one.
And so here we are. Thinking about how hard it is to accept other people’s true honesty while wondering how truly honest I can be with them. It’s easier to just crawl into a camera or a keyboard. I think I have such designs for this weekend!